Thursday, May 27, 2010

salt and lavender

Woke this morning before the blackbird sang to walk by the sea no soul in sight just the wet on the grass and clouds pressing close. Summer shifts the winds and blows salt through my hair, so happy to be free she flirts and teases and weeps for joy. My hair curls in the damp, tossed and tumbled and blown awry, I must find a hat before the sun comes back.

Went to school looking like a wild child, the smell of the ocean on my skin. The day calls for lavender tea and a spot in the corner chair with pages to turn. Today I'm dreaming of loves lost at sea and girls with tousled curls who wait in white in the cellophane rain, and soldiers with straight backs and bright eyes who smell of tobacco and salt air.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

beauty to cry for

Ever since I was a little little girl I've been fascinated with ballerinas. The grace and suspension- turns that end only when they decide to and jumps they only come down from because they get bored; the delicate wrists and ankles that seem to weep as they arch into beautiful lines.
I made up my mind to become one, but after hours and hours of rehearsal today, I am so battered with bruises and blisters from the hard floor and angry pointe shoes that I can barely make it up the stairs. My feet are bleeding in a million places but it will all be worth it I tell myself.

Julie Kent; simply seeing her wonderful feet prompts deep sighs of longing. I wore my blue dress and the lovely heels that pinch but look so graceful with Grandmother into the city yesterday to see her. She was so sad and beautiful that I wept in my seat for the sight of her.

Monday, May 17, 2010

tea and longing

Dear Teddy Bear,

         Yesterday at the tea party I was very glad you came. I wasn't going to go, I usually don't have dresses fine enough for company, but yesterday I curled my hair and put on my best frock and sat up straight at the table like a real lady. Like Alice does when she is taken down off the shelf for tea in her velvet gown and best Sunday bonnet. I see the way you look at her and I don't blame you, she's beautiful with her blonde ringlets all swept up fashionably and her necklace of real pearls- I know they're real because I asked her once. What could I ever have that would tempt you from her perfection, even though I know in my sawdust heart I am the one you were meant for? But yesterday, when we were seated next to each other (maybe you had been poured one too many cups of tea) you slumped over against my arm and laid there for a long moment. I loved the way your black button eyes shone up at me and although you were righted rather quickly, I can still feel your soft weight on my arm. I know I only have yarn for hair and Alice tells the toy soldiers about all the sweet things you do for her, but I think you could love me too. And I think you think it too.

                                               Love, The Little Rag Doll from Across the Room

Saturday, May 15, 2010

sunrise nights

Last night was glitter but not gold, but the air was warm and heavy with a smell from the tip of a memory that you could almost place
You had to keep an eye on the clock because it was feeling mischievous tonight: if you looked away it would skip ahead minutes and hours in the space of a single glance
With a toss of the head we said hang the consequences and the sun did indeed rise again this morning, imagine that...

Friday, May 7, 2010


I had a dream about you last night

We were in a house in the woods and the woods were dark, but we didn't mind too much. Mother and had to leave and when she didn't come back, Father left to look for her. He said that we weren't to go outside without them there and he put me in charge of keeping you inside. I was supposed to protect you, but you slipped away when we were playing a game and you ran outside. I was so scared for you, but I ran after to try to get you to come inside. But when I went into those dark woods to look for you, they were soft and full of yellow light and beautiful people holding relaxed court in the trees. Scattered on the ground were tiny treasures; small bright gems, pearls, discarded crowns, tiny keys, miniature hearts of gold and coins and feathers of the deepest blues and reds. At first I searched for them under ferns and beneath stones, but when I looked up, I realized they were all around. I picked up some of the prettiest, but my favorite was the tiny gold key with a red stone and an 'A' wrought in filigree amongst the delicate vines at the top. But when I looked up the trees were dark, the beautiful people gone, and you nowhere to be found. Instead I could hear the wolves in the distance and smell snow on the air. So I ran home and locked myself in the dark cold house behind the thick door and hid in the sofa, my head buried in my arms. Mother and Father came home and found me like that, but you never did.

Monday, May 3, 2010

la danse du mots

Lately there have been words running through my head that I can't seem to get rid of. I don't know why my conscious pulled them from the dusty corners of memory and decided to shove them to the front of my mind, but there they sit and pace the day away waiting to be spoken into existence.

There was once a writer who said that of all the endless combinations of words in the English language, "Cellar Door" was the most beautiful.
Here are some of my favorites:

              blandiloquent                                         mellifluous
                                                                                              penumbra                                                                     lithe                              

But the very best I think?
Because it means forever and ever and then after that

Saturday, May 1, 2010


Have you ever been in love with your very best friend?
The one who knew everything about you without ever having to ask? Who knew all the right things to say and just what to do about everything that went wrong?
I bring him my broken jewelry and he brings it back whole. He says he likes fixing things- good thing too, because I have a tendency to break.