drops

There are clouds in the parking lot. The trees are draped in white. The ground is white, the sky is white, I am white. I am mist (missed?). The valley has disappeared and I can see to the edge of the world. It is just over that ridge where all the color stops, drops. The mists muffle all sound here at the end of the world. Thick grass hangs heavy with cloudy gems; droplets of sky, as if the edges of the earth were bleeding together, and the heavens reached out and tangled with the hard ground. Bells in the distance.

november please be good to me

I was thinking of you and I looked out. Saw two people kissing in the rain.

The month is gray fog over the valley and cold rain. It's a quiety time. I'd like nothing more than to curl up close to you because you're always warm.

sweet dreams and flying machines

What interesting debris washes up on the steps after Halloween. The place was transformed in the night, and now we see what the illusions were made of. I went walking today with my eyes on the ground. I found a crown, and a shoe with diamonds set in rows in the heel. And two satin ribbons the same color but different lengths, and a mask with a horrible grin and empty, glaring eyes, which shed glitter and shone light in a million different directions. These among the fallen leaves and discarded rings and brightly-colored feathers all around. And finally an angel's wing, it's mate at the bottom of a curving stair.

don't dare wander

The darkness comes so much more quickly now.

That’s what separates summer from fall. The feeling of finality. Fatality. Limits. Deadlines creep up- we feel the stress of winter coming. Even though we long ago found ways around preparing for the winter, gathering food and wood to store, deep inside us we still feel the season’s urgency. Get Things Done, it says. Can’t put off till tomorrow anymore- by then the snows might be here. You can pull the blinds tight against the earlier dark, but it sneaks in around the cracks, tap tap tapping on shoulders, “Shouldn’t you have finished that by now? You know you’ll regret not doing it sooner.” You already regret not doing it sooner but somehow the reminder puts you off. You push away the feeling and leave it later and later. This is what the darkness does.

les reves en francais

recently I've been dreaming in french. I've been thinking in it too... this morning I made pancakes (a new recipe that was quite delicious, perhaps I'll post it) but as I was moving through the quiet morning kitchen, I found myself thinking my sentences in french.

I'll tell you about the dream.
It concerned the boy I was in love with for a solid two years.
I was walking through the halls of my elementary school- a hundred year old brick building with secrets only children could discover- it had a beautiful library. Circular, with a dome and tall french doors that looked out into a circular patio and courtyard. It was autumn and I was wearing a white dress with a blue ribbon in my hair, like I would have when I was 5, but I was older. It was afternoon and the sun came through the red and yellow leaves and through the french doors to me on my window seat with my book. Boxes and bookshelves were all around me, tall and crowding over me comfortably. I was alone. And I was safe.

Then he came out of nowhere and I jumped up. I told him it was time for me to move on and his eyes turned down at the edges. He told me "Mais, je t'aime maintenent. Comment pouvais-tu ne voir pas?" and he held me. But I didn't look at him. Only at the sun through the window through the leaves and how the whole world was yellow and warm. And then he left.

this song was playing

*autumn* not fall

(the ancient amusement park my town- down by the sea)

Whoever invented the college application process must have had a deep, dark and dastardly vendetta against all young scholars. Perhaps he himself was rejected and decided to make it as tedious as possible for others to get in... or maybe (as I am inclined to believe at this point) colleges are just evil and like watching their prospective students writhe in agonizing anticipation... oh dear.

however, it was an absolutely beautiful day today, with those autumn clouds just the perfect shade of puffy and nearly silver in sound. As soon as class ended and I was able to reclaim my car keys from a mischevious friend I took my dog to the park and spent nearly an hour bathed in that thick yellow sort of light that one may only find on October afternoons.

Made this simple french pastry rather late last night, but it turns out to be the perfect thing to nibble on an autumn afternoon- especially with a good cup of hot coffee!

Instructions: must be eaten outside (weather permitting)

must NOT be consumed in a rush

enjoy!

(recipe from Darjeeling Dreams- thanks!)

Raspberry financier

5 tbsp of butter, cut into cubes

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 c finely ground almonds

1/2 c all-purpose flour

1 cup of sugar (caster or confectioner's if you have it, I used caster)

1/4 tsp salt

3 egg whites

1/2 tbsp honey

12 tsp (1/4 c) raspberry jam

Preheat oven to 400 degrees f, and grease a madeleine/muffin pan.

Melt butter in a saucepan, until nut-brown.

As soon as it turned brown, transfer into a bowl. Add vanilla extract.

In a separate, larger bowl, combine ground almonds, flour, sugar, and salt.

Whisk eggs, then honey into flour mixture. Whisk until well incorporated.

Whisk the melted butter-vanilla mixture into the egg-flour mixture.

Pour two tablespoons of batter into each madeleine/muffin mold.

Spoon a teaspoon of raspberry jam on top of each financier.

Bake for 15-20 minutes, until just golden-brown on the edges.

Makes 12 financiers.

wishing on raining stars

Being sick is so much easier on a gary-ish day. This one was perfect in fact- I'm curled up in my bed feeling miserable (so many of my friends have mono, I hope it's not that!) Looking out the window at the very beginning of October (even remembered to say rabbit when I woke up yesterday!) The leaves should start changing soon, and falling. Fall is my very favorite season. Sometimes the sunlight seems almost tangible and the clouds are thick and puffy, turning deep purples and pinks at twilight. Plus you can pull out all those warm comfy clothes and just sit, with a cup of tea, and forget about everything you need to do for a bit.

A few days ago, before I was cursed with this stuffy nose,scratchy throat and achy body, I was walking my dog in the park by my house with my baby sister (she's not really a baby anymore, but I still like to call her that) a gust of wind came through and coaxed the leaves to jump from their branches and twirl through the air to land at our feet. My sister danced down the path trying to cath them. "Look!" she cried "It's raining leaves!"

She was so beautiful spinning and jumping around, i could only stand and watch her. She finally caught one before it hit the ground and brought it over for me to see. She told me that if you catch a leaf before it falls, you get to make a wish. So i wished- well, if I told you then it wouldn't come true!

Happy Autumn and may all your wishes come true!

pictures

welcoming autumn

Sunday was spent saying goodbye to summer. It was a good season, it really was, but time to move on I think. Took a couple of friends and a certain boy down the block from my house to the beach. They brought their guitars and the boy and I listened while they played an adage to autumn.

It was one of those afternoons that goes on forever and the sunlight just gets thicker and softer, causing time to move slower and slower through it. We lay on our bellies on the rocks and watched the drama that is life in a tidal pool unfold. The crabs and the snails and little fish- the green grasses waving in the invisible current.

We left before the sun set so that in our minds, the place would stay perpetually afternoon and the night would never bring an end to the light.

Today I made a cake: baking has a wonderful ability to soothe- and noticed a snatch of unexpected beauty in the way the light hit a bottle of water on my windowsill

Autumn's Here